Comics... The Best Birth Control. (Not About Wrapping a Comic Book Around Your Manhood)

For the past 5 years, comics have been a near-unhealthy obsession of mine. For even longer, I've been a incorrigible Spider-Man groupie. Sometimes I'll think about some of the things I've said in regards to Peter Parker's adventures (That's the Spider-Man of my youth, though both Ben Reily and the Ultimate Universe's Miles Morales have assumed the title) things about his life and career that most people would never find interesting about a fictional character. Then I sit back, take a sigh of epiphany and say to myself "So THAT's why I didn't have sex in high school."

Girls, for the most part, don't like nerd things, and most of the ones that do aren't passionate to the extent of the males who share their interests. My girlfriend has no interest in sci-fi. Seriously. If I recorded every time she groaned at my reciting of a Doctor Who quote, I could put on a 3 hour groan-strumental symphony. This can be both an Achille's heel and the best defense.

Skanks, sluts, and scallywops are, as their names imply, not picky. They are creatures of poison who seek only to spread their disease across the bloodstream of the human race. While most men are defenseless against these appalling beings, we as nerds possess the key to repelling these beings, if not destroy them for good. Dorkiness. Lameness. The root of uncool. These are like Kryptonite to them (Mentioning Kryptonite alone is enough to daze a small pack of girls in belly shirts)

Using these powers are especially difficult for the youth, as they are often deceived by the favorable proportions of the promiscuous. PLEASE YOUNG NERDS, do not be swayed. With your help we can eliminate the terrible "Itch" that plagues this world.